My son was diagnosed a few years ago with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. He does well most of the time, but when his pain is really bad, he doesn’t want to do anything, even go to school. My wife babies him and allows him to get his own way. I think that this is causing him to drag his pain complaints out longer. Is this possible or am I just being mean, as my wife says?

Each couple’s dynamics are different but it’s important for both parents to be on the same wavelength when it comes to helping a child who has chronic pain, such as your son. It’s known that how a parent reacts to a child’s pain will affect the child and it’s been suggested that if a parent copes negatively with the situation, the child may as well.

Have you spoken with your wife about how she feels and why she feels the way she does? It may be worth discussing your goals for your son, your ideas of how to handle him when he’s having pain and also when he’s not having pain. After all, he is the same child with or without pain. It could be worth it to sit down with your child’s doctor as well to see how much he should be able to do when he’s having pain, according to the doctor’s point of view. This may help even things out for everyone all around.